Couples Therapy
In all romantic relationships, there is a third individual involved, not just the couple itself.
It is this third individual who most commonly dictates the emotional health of the relationship.
This third individual is The Dynamic.
When we begin an emotional, physical, and intellectual relationship with another person, we start to share the deepest parts of ourselves with them—our hopes, our dreams, our desires—just as our partner does with us. This conscious sharing is what creates the meaningful bond we experience with our partner. But at the same time, our Unconscious Mechanisms also begin to interact and build a relationship with the Unconscious Mechanisms of our partner, almost in parallel, until the moment when it is no longer just a relationship between two people, but between three. This third individual is The Dynamic.
The Dynamic has its own reactions, its own opinions, its own sublimations and identifications that spill over and affect the emotional state of the relationship, and if we are not careful, it can also affect its Psychological Health.
The psychological health of the relationship depends as much on The Dynamic as on the behaviors and emotions of the two people who are in the relationship.
If we wish to have a Psychologically Healthy Romantic relationship, it is imperative that we begin not only to observe The Dynamic, but also develop a deeper understanding of its mechanisms and reactions, which means understanding our own mechanisms and those of our partner. If we cannot accept and respect this Dynamic, and understand that we are not only relating to our partner but that both of us are also relating to the Dynamic, then we will never be able to create a healthy relationship that can withstand the challenges life will bring us. Worse yet, we will not only fail in those challenges, but our behavior will degrade to the point of blame, frustration, and a fostering of negativity against our partner, to the point where neither of us will want to stay in the relationship, even though we may still be in love with each other.
What has failed here is not love, but the lack of care and acceptance of our Dynamic.
